A WOMAN CARRYING a bag of durians was stopped at the boarding gate to an aircraft last week. Staff explained that the famously stinky fruit was strictly banned from planes.
The pleading woman argued that she’d spent a fortune and the fruit was not available where she was going. Staff would not make an exception.
So she sat down and started eating it. While folk held their noses, she munched through three kilos of the ultra-smelly fruit, stinking out the departure lounge at Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport, according to a report in RocketNews24.
As a frequent traveler, I can testify that every day in major airports you see angry people eating their luggage. They have to. At some airports, caviar, honey, peanut butter and cheese are classified as liquids.
This happens so often that airport security guards should really supply tables, chairs and cutlery at the security gates for this purpose. (It might improve their image.)
One security guard recently took stuff off a guy because, he said, “it could be melted down into a liquid”, and so was illegal to take into the air. That’s ridiculous. Metal can be melted into a liquid, which means that it would be illegal to take a plane into the air.
A reader saw an Australian traveler stopped with a bottle of spirits. He simply opened it and drank the lot. Technically, he should then have been detained for trying to board a plane in a drunken state. But no one dared go near him.
I’M NOT usually a fan of Sharia law, but this month it’s on target. Authorities in the northern part of the United Arab Emirates last week banned Speedos from beaches. Speedos are tiny, super-tight swimming trunks that make most men look like giant golf tees. Yay for the mad mullahs.
A DELIVERY FIRM launched ads showing staff as tall, handsome hunks, leaving normal staff feeling horribly ugly, it was revealed last week. Customers now expect ALL workers from Sagawa Express in Japan to be gorgeous, suave male models.
Women now put on make-up when Sagawa packages are due to be delivered, a staffer told News Post Seven, a Japanese website. As soon as the women open the door, their shocked faces reveal their thoughts. “Eww! You’re short, fat, bald and hideous-looking, i.e., an average guy,” their eyes, and sometimes their lips, say.
But the company is not planning to change its campaign, since it’s too profitable. Some women arranged for packages to be picked up or delivered every day in the hopes of getting a visit from a looker.
I used to know an Australian tennis coach who offered lessons to bored housewives. He mostly just visited and drank tea with them, taking off his shirt if it was warm. “I was really being paid to be a decorative object,” he told me. What more evidence is needed that being excessively good-looking should be classified as a crime?
THE HOUSE directly opposite Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion went on sale last week for US$11 million. I bet if you deduct the cost of the telescopes and long-lens cameras set up there, it’s probably only US$50,000.
(Pictures are illustrative only and do not directly relate to stories.)