FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN are loving the new air ticket system where small skinny passengers pay less than big fat ones. At Samoa Air, staff weigh the traveler and his or her baggage and charge US$4.16 per kilo, I hear from reader Helen Woo.
Little brats carrying Hello Kitty purses weigh nothing, so family trips are a bargain.
Beefy rugby players pay a fortune.
Being a short, Mr-Puniverse-type person, this columnist hopes this spreads to all airlines.
But I foresee difficulties now that many people book air tickets online. Staff will have to conduct spot checks at the gate.
Airline staffer: “It says on your cheapo ticket you are a tiny anorexic midget weighing 45 kilos.”
Huge man: “That’s right. These baggy clothes are terribly unflattering, aren’t they?”
There have already been angry complaints. On a BBC web report, a reader who is six feet tall and weighs 90 kilos without being overweight demanded to know why he should be penalized for his high score “in the genetic lottery”.
Because, my friend, we short people are penalized for our low score “in the genetic lottery” every day of our lives, statistically getting worse jobs, worse salary, uglier partners, etc, so it’s only fair that you ugly overgrown gorillas SUFFER HORRIBLY NOW, not that I have a chip on my shoulder or anything.
The curious thing is that the plan has been implemented in Samoa, listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s fattest country. Someone’s going to get rich.
DID YOU NOTICE the North Korean government announced it would destroy America and issued YET ANOTHER picture of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars. Shouldn’t someone tell him that you cannot see the US with binos from North Korea?
So what’s he actually looking at?
“I see a large land mass on the horizon.”
“That’s your uncle having a swim, Dear Leader.”
“No, it’s America! Get the nuke and prepare the giant catapult now!”
PS. MOST of Asia is within range of his missiles. (See below). For this reason, I am flying to Australia tomorrow. Come and see me at the Esplanade hotel in Perth.
PPS. Yes, he is holding the binoculars upside down. Our future is in this man’s hands.
DID YOU READ about that super-geek spending his sixth straight year playing online games in an internet café? In 2007 he went into a cubicle cafe near Jilin University in China to check his email. He liked it and has been there ever since.
He doesn’t like talking to humans (not much experience I imagine) so a Xinhua reporter learned only that his name was Li Meng. Staff say he must earn money via the computer, because he pays US$500 a month for the spot where he works, eats and sleeps. I am SO going to hide this article from my teenage son. This is his dream come true.
(Filipinos: small but perfect)
FILIPINO READER Edwin Cojuangco sent me a report saying his homeland’s President has just quashed a bill allowing short people to join the police. That seemed like a nasty blow against us shorties, so I looked up the actual requirements to be a cop in the Philippines. “Tall enough” is defined as 5ft 4 ins (1.63m) for men and 5 ft 2 ins (1.58m) for women. At last, I am a giant!
AS MENTIONED above, your humble narrator is off to Perth (in Australia) to give a couple of speeches this week. I’ll be flying Hong Kong to Singapore tomorrow to change planes. So I’ll be at the coffee shop at Changi in the afternoon. Then arrive in Aus at midnight. Visit me at the Fremantle Esplanade Hotel if you’re reading this from that part of the world.