EXTREME SMELLINESS IS THE next big thing in movies. Modules containing 1,000 smells are being bolted to the back of the chair in front of you. Computerized smell-releasers recreate the aromatic pongs of whatever you see on the screen, as tiny motors shake your chair and tiny sprays spurt liquid in your face.
You pay extra for this. Oh joy.
This type of movie cinema, called 4DX, was invented in South Korea, and is now spreading like wildfire, I hear from reader Moon Jae-wook. South Korean 4DX theatres have now opened in China, Thailand and Japan, building is under way in Malaysia, and other cities will follow soon.
I was in a completely normal cinema last week when I received a powerful range of odors from small children nearby, plus splashes of mystery liquid. This DID NOT enhance my cinema visiting experience in any way.
Movies I would DEFINITELY NOT like to see in 4DX:
Any Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise and especially Bruce Willis pics. These guys always end up as sweaty, blood-spattered messes.
A movie I perhaps WOULD like to see in 4DX:
The new Hunger Games movie: I bet the delectable Jennifer Lawrence smells of peaches.
CIVIL SERVANTS should be slapped regularly, an Indian politician said last week. “Sometimes officials do not do any work properly and do not listen, too,” Goan minister Dayanand Mandrekar Mandrekar said, according to the Times of India. “They should be slapped.”
If I was Mr Mandrekar I would be VERY NERVOUS about eating anything from a government canteen from now on.
He reminds me of idiots who are rude to their domestic helpers. It would be so easy for these women to put chili seeds in your underpants. Be nice to them.
I SAW A DEAD bird the other day. I was sorely tempted to pick it up and place it in a crowded place so that people would think “bird flu” and run away screaming. The powerful desire to cause disruption for no reason is a powerful genetic impulse which seems particularly powerful in children and “adult” males, if that’s not tautology. Wonder what the evolutionary purpose is?
A TYCOON interviewing candidates to be his wife says bottom size is more important than a nice personality. “The girls who have been very nice had big fat bottoms,” Dinshah Vimadalal complained to the UK Daily Telegraph after interviewing 20 women. As well as being astonishingly shallow, Vamadalal is 69 and a heavy smoker. What a catch.
POPE FRANCIS revealed that he once worked as a nightclub bouncer. I hope he uses his toughness to clean up his church. “Step away from the choir boys or I shall smite thee with my knuckle sandwich, buster.”
MAINLAND CHINESE internet censorship firm Anquan advertised last week for a Chief Pornography Identifier with an annual package of 200,000 renminbi (US$32,300). Do they pay you or do you pay them?
DISNEYLAND ANNOUNCED that its new theme park in China would be both "authentically Disney and distinctly Chinese". I guess that means they will have to re-edit some of their best known stories.
1) Snow White and the One Dwarf Policy.
2) Pirates of the Copycatted Discs.
3) The Princess and the Frog Dumpling Soup.
Can anyone add to this list?
I’M spending most of today visiting ISF school in Cyberport, Hong Kong—if you’re in the area, catch me—I’ll probably retreat to the Starbucks between sessions…