EXAMS LOOMING? Buy fresh knickers. In a bid to cut down on exam cheating, boys are being made to do their tests in their underpants.
The new policy is “the only way” to ensure that they are not carrying crib sheets, transmitters or receivers in their clothing, invigilators in India say.
The young men complain that they feel so self-conscious with their nipples and baggy underpants on show that they can’t concentrate. Especially since there are girls in the exam hall, who express their deep sympathy by laughing and pointing. “Look at that guy’s low grades!” Etc.
Staff in the central Indian city of Sagore say that they are forced to strip the kids since the exam center has only 20 invigilators to watch 744 students, the Hindustan Times reported.
Critics pointed out that guys could hide items in their underpants. However, I would strongly advise young men not to press this argument, as it can only lead to them being forced to sit exams naked.
“Principles of Accounting IB will start in five minutes. Please line up, turn around and lean forwards for a cavity search.”
IN OTHER NEWS….
FINALLY North Korea has a fan club! When a group of Taiwanese football fans travelled to South Korea recently for a match, they tried to think of something really nasty to do to upset the South Korean fans. So they spent the match waving picture-placards proclaiming the greatness of Kim Jong Un. Why are football people so horrible? I think it’s all the headers: compresses the brain.
A ROMANTIC couple found a quiet open-air spot for a cuddle but a lurking man ran off with both pairs of trousers, I read in my copy of Tuoi Tre, a Vietnamese newspaper. The victims not only lost their pants but the Vietnamese dong in them, the report says. (Note my impressive resistance to the temptation to make dong-in-trousers jokes.) The woman lost 50,000 dong.
Hang on, that’s only US$2.40. Okay, so it may not be the crime of the century, but the story is vitally important because it validates the work of bad screenplay writers everywhere.
A SCHOOL administrator in Hong Kong last week discovered that the total number of places available for children next year exactly matched the total number of children of alumni, siblings of current students and children of teachers. In other words, the only way to get into this school is to plan a whole generation ahead.
“Mom, I’m unemployed and pregnant.”
“Good. Get a job at the international school so that my grandchild can get a place.”
NOW HERE’S an amazing factoid. A survey of earnings in Asia last week revealed that Taiwan has a Gini Co-efficient (a measure of earnings equality) of 0.342, while mainland China’s is 0.477 (anything above 0.4 means society is so unequal that unrest is likely).
What this means is that Taiwan is not only better at capitalism than China, but is better at communism.
I have this strange feeling that this news item will mysteriously not get printed anywhere in mainland China.
YOUR HUMBLE narrator had a brilliant time on holiday in Kota Kinabalu last week. (That’s me at work on a new book top left, and the other pics show my kids.) Believe me, Malaysia and Indonesia are the great undiscovered holiday secrets of planet Earth. Everyone knows how lovely Bali and Thailand are, but these other locations are also great.
Thanks Karuna, for your amazing news that cow dung smells clean and antiseptic (in the comments to the previous post). That’s one of those interesting bits of information that I will file away and probably never put to use…. Just the thought of it puts me off.
Anyway, I will gradually get back to normal operations this week. Hard to get one’s energy back after a holiday, right?