A GIRL DESPOT? North Korea watchers tell me they are not surprised by the stunning silence surrounding the birth of a female baby to the hermit kingdom’s leader.
“This is an extremely macho society,” said a gentleman who likes to be known only as The Listener. “If the only heir to the Kim throne is female, that’s a shocker.”
I know Korean women. They are ultra-soft and feminine on the outside but on the inside they are as hard as Donald Trump’s skull. The standard North Korean threat—“Grovel before me or I WILL NUKE THE WORLD”—will disappear. In its place, expect subtler threats: “Do you think I’m cute? If not I WILL NUKE THE WORLD.”
But when I picked up the papers, worse news was on the horizon. Scientists found a biochemical trigger which makes female chicken embryos hatch as male chicks, I read in my copy of the Yomiuri Shimbun, a Japanese newspaper.
Boffins at Hamamatsu University School of Medicine said “the research could be expanded to mammals”.
Asia’s tragic over-supply of men could get much, much worse. My single female readers were delighted. “Woohoo, I’m going to the gym to get ready,” said reader Lucy Pink.
“Boy City,” said another. People these days don’t take anything seriously enough.
IN OTHER NEWS…
THE CHINESE Health Ministry announced a massive toughening of toilet cleanliness regulations. “Only one fly will be allowed in public toilets built within other facilities,” said a draft hygiene standards law released for public consultation recently. Not sure how they plan to regulate this. Perhaps they’ll have some sort of tiny turnstile, so that a fly can enter only when the previous fly has washed its hands and left.
The ministry has also helpful created a four level index of smells: No Smell, Slight Smell, Definite Smell and Strong Smell. Special teams of smell inspectors will enforce a rule which says no public toilet is allowed to have more than a Slight Smell. Anyway, Public Toilet Sniffer is our new a candidate for Worst Job Ever, nudging out the previous holder of that title, Masseur for John Travolta.
POOR OLD Jike Search. This web search engine was set up by the Beijing authorities to blow Google out of the water. But a survey showed that hardly anyone uses it—even in China. Who in their right mind would want to use a search engine run by a group of people obsessed with censorship? It’s as ridiculous as an anti-democracy group asking people to vote for them. Wait. That happens every election in Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, etc.
POLICE OFFICERS in Bosnia-Herzegovina were baffled when their new shoes fell apart after one day. They turned out to be single-use footwear items designed to be worn by corpses at funerals. In East Asia, they make flimsy shoes for this purpose, since decomposing corpses don’t do a lot of moving around, unless of course they’re members of the Rolling Stones.
Easy problem to solve. “We’ll start re-writing the program, ma’am. Please check back in a couple of years.” Heh heh heh.