Don’t phone me, I’ll phone you
A PHONE SMUGGLER was caught when his lower intestine started ringing. The Sri Lankan man, in Colombo’s Welikada jail, tried to feign innocence but it’s very hard to keep a straight face when a ring-tone is trilling loudly from one’s private parts, into which he had inserted a phone.
Surely this should go into the record books as the worst timed call in history? The news report from AFP didn’t say what the phone’s ring tone was, but my colleagues and I have some suggestions:
1) Call Me, by Blondie;
2) The Bottom Line, by Dépêche Mode;
3) Hello My Baby, by Michigan J Frog;
4) Bell Bottom Blues, by Derek and the Dominoes; or
5) I Just Called to Say I Love You, by Stevie Wonder.
I can just imagine the poor dude sitting with his head between his knees whispering to his nether regions: “Can’t talk now, I’ll get back to you.”
Of course, from the cops’ point of view, the call was perfectly timed. Calls always seem to be one or the other. From personal experience, I’ll bet that every Sunday, somewhere in the world, a preacher asks his congregation: “Is God calling you?” and a phone starts ringing.
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IN OTHER NEWS…
THE CITIZENS of China are talking about moving the entire capital city of Beijing elsewhere, because the pollution is so bad. Just thought I would tell you so that if you see eight million people and a load of pointy buildings arriving en masse in your town. Beijingers make great new neighbors. Just ask the Tibetans.
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SO, THE thing that everyone feared has come to pass. A war-mongering, nuclear-armed nation which repeatedly disregards United Nations’ resolutions and international law, is becoming increasingly assertive.
Yes, people around the world are worrying about the behavior of the United States. And then of course there’s North Korea.
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READER ANDREW Bond from Thailand was sending a “to my darling wife” e-card to his missus from the Valentine’s Day selection on 123greetings .com when a question popped up: “Do you want to send this card to multiple people?”
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YOU GOTTA feel sorry for Li Keqiang, China’s premier in waiting. He was submitted to ridicule last year after he was clumsily Photoshopped into humble surroundings as if he was visiting the poor (above).
Then last week he decided to actually visit a real poor citizen’s house—and a small child “mooned” him on camera (pic below).
Mr Li is no doubt sitting in his office thinking about going back to the “bad Photoshop” method.
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A MAN AGED 99 (pic above) is studying for a university degree in Japan. He goes to all the lectures but skips the student union dance parties, a reader named Hiroto reported.
If the old fella’s school is managed like universities in China, I bet they make him pay EVERYTHING in advance, even in the student canteen. “Here’s your appetizer and here’s the bill for it.”
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JOKE DEDICATED to the debate on respect for women now running in India:
What is the definition of the word “slut”?
Answer: A woman with the morals of a man.
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TONY POON posted this pic on Facebook yesterday, showing Hong Kong from Lugard Road (that’s the lane that runs around the top of the Peak). It was taken with an iPhone.
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THANKS to readers for the Latin input. Mel shared this one: “Veni, Vidi,Visa,” meaning “I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.” And pointed me to a page, which has all the fun Latin you could ever want.
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TONIGHT I am going to see Vivek Mahbubani at a comedy show at the Hong Kong Country Club tonight. If you’re in the vicinity, come and say hello.
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