Marrying someone you fall for is no longer allowed
A GROUP OF ADULTS has actually banned love. Any young person who marries someone they love (as opposed to the official partner chosen by adults) will be exiled, said the town council of Bhagpat, Uttar Pradesh, North India.
You can’t make this stuff up. “Love marriages are a shame for society,” council member Sattar Ahmed told the Daily Mail.
I wonder how Mr Sattar and his wife spend a romantic night out? Growling at each other and defacing copies of Romeo and Juliet, perhaps?
But what practical steps are they actually planning to take to ban love? The anti-love campaigners are targeting mobile phones as the main tools young people these days use to “grow” male-female affection.
No girls should be allowed to have mobile phones, Member of Parliament Rajpal Singh Saini told a gathering of men last week, according to the Times of India. If your female children have phones, “take them away,” he ordered.
One man at the meeting said his daughter had eloped with a man she—shudder—said she loved. Singh told the man it was his fault for letting her have a mobile phone.
***
I WAS READING the news articles above when I realized that if a fiction-writer wrote about a crew of ranting bearded villains banning love, and romantic young couples falling in love and fleeing, it would be considered utterly unbelievable.
The world’s writers of trashy novel and B-movies really need to give these gentlemen a massive cash award, or at least a coffee-stained thank-you letter (I may do it myself).
What a gift to humanity they are.
***
BUT TALKING of mobile phones, here’s a related joke:
The Chinese government digs 1,000 meters down and finds traces of copper wire. “This proves we had a phone network 5,000 years ago,” they announce. The Indian government digs 1,000 meters down and finds nothing. “This proves we had a wireless network 5,000 years ago,” they announce.
***
DID YOU read that the new President of France is trying to win the youth vote by promising to abolish homework?
For the first time in history, a world leader and a kid at my children’s school are running on the same platform.
***
A BRAVERY AWARD should go to a man who was almost detained by police last week. A woman saw him sitting in his car with his hands moving rapidly just out of sight in the “upper trouser area”.
She phoned police to report that there was a pervert in the car park, according to TCPalm, a blog in Florida. Police swooped.
The man, 34, explained that he had itchy rash on his scrotum which was driving him mad.
He then took his scrotum out and showed them. The police officers’ attitude instantly changed from deep suspicion to deep sympathy.
Note to male readers: However much you need sympathy from the police, DO NOT TRY THIS YOURSELF.
“Hey, officer, I know I was driving badly, but take a look at THIS.” Ziiiip.
***
GOOGLE’S driver-free car makes people nervous, so it is not yet commercially available. I understand people’s fears, but I think the cars should be mandatory for all drivers in Italy, India, mainland China and Vietnam.
And we should club together to buy one for Lindsay Lohan. Who’s in?
***
