A MAN WHO annoyed the new leader of North Korea was vaporized, Chosun Ilbo newspaper of South Korea reported.
Kim Chol, vice minister of the army, was caught partying during the mourning period for Kim Jong Il, angering new leader Kim Jong Un. (Everyone in this story is named Kim, a name which appears to be compulsory for everybody and everything in North Korea, including rocks and trees, or as I should say: Kim Rock and Kim Tree.)
Anyway, Kim Chol had a mortar fired at him, the paper said. This caused the general to be destroyed so thoroughly not one molecule remained, a bit like Lance Armstrong's credibility.
I don't want to be morbid, but I can’t help feeling that it would be kinda cool to have your tombstone epitaph saying: "There's no corpse here. This dude was vaporized."
A FEW kilometers away in South Korea, scientists found that eunuchs live 14 to 19 years longer than normal men. Well, thanks for that news, guys. I'm planning to live a very short, happy life.
MOVIE INDUSTRY friends tell me Hollywood is putting the final touches on an ultra-violent horror version of Hansel and Gretel. Don't these filmmakers have kids?
"What did you do today, Daddy?"
"I turned one of your favorite bedtime stories into a blood- drenched slasher pic which you will probably encounter on the internet one day and which will traumatize you into taking weapons to school and perpetuating the cycle of violence, darling."
ON A FLIGHT last summer, one of my bags broke so I had to divide my stuff into two smaller bags. For having an extra bag, Ryanair fined me US$100 (HK$780), more than the cost of my ticket. In other words, it cost more for my underpants to travel than for me!
But revenge is here. Irish engineer John Power invented Jaktogo, a garment with so many pockets you can store a whole suitcase worth of goods in them.
He strolls past airline ground staff, then reassembles his stuff into a shoulder bag, ending up with a free second carry-on.
I'm ordering extra large, see if I can get a kid or two in there.
YOU KNOW how bad movies etc often start with an innocent guy finding a corpse, and unaccountably NOT doing the obvious thing, which is to call the police?
Well, in real life, Jason Shapley, 29, found a corpse in a toilet and decided not to tell police, because he would lose weekend business at the British pub he ran. He hid it in a bedroom and then put it back in the toilet the following Tuesday. He got into big trouble last week.
On the plus side, bad screenwriters everywhere can feel vindicated.
Whenever I face a tough ethical dilemma, I look to my role models, asking: "What would Wile E Coyote do?"
GOING BACK to the subject of North Korea, one of the writers in the group I am hanging out with in Bangkok this week is an escapee from that country. It’s great to have him here, although whenever he reads out any of his work at a function, it makes the work of all the other writers seem trivial. “After Mr Zhang’s horrifying poem about being ill-treated by a mad regime, Ms Chan will read from her book, Hoppy the Bunny.”
Ah well, that’s the thing about Asia. All of human life is here…
I LIKE CHRIS’s point, made in the comments of the previous post, that elections in China are more fair:
“Look at the elections results in France, USA or other western countries. The result is always 51%-49%, 52%-48%... 55% is considered as an overwhelming victory, a triumph, a plebiscite…. But what's the consequence? It's that 45%, 48% or even 49.9% of the people are unhappy with the result. Whereas in China, 100% (or at least 99.5%) of the people are EQUALLY UNHAPPY with the result…. Isn't that fairer ?”
Have a great weekend.