A WOMAN WAS murdered by her seafood appetizer, newspapers said. But some thought the tale smelt fishy. Mwa ha ha ha.
Yoon, a 20-something South Korean, was found asphyxiated near a plate of angry live octopuses in sesame oil.
Whodunnit? Her boyfriend Kim pointed to the tentacle in her throat. The dinner dunnit.
Reporters became suspicious when Yoon’s father said that she always cut her food into small chunks, and was just not the sort of girl who swallows live creatures whole (yeah, some girls are like that, go figure).
But then investigators found that her life had been insured shortly before her death--so courts decided Kim had suffocated her and framed her dinner, AFP reported last week.
The dinner declined to comment, but I expect any octopuses in the court’s public gallery shot a fist (or five of six) into the air.
Now you see why there aren’t many Asian crime novels?
Who’d buy a book called The Seafood Appetizer Murder?
DO NOT CLICK play on the video below unless you want to be TOTALLY GROSSED OUT.
IN OTHER NEWS
A POLITICIAN who was asked for his ID card at a toll crossing in India on October 10 got out his gun and pointed it at toll booth staff. Indian congressman Vitthal Radadiya is living proof that people these days watch too many movies.
A WEB DESIGNER is holding a competition to find the man with the smallest “private part”, if you know what I mean. The owner whose unmentionable is astonishingly tiny wins an i-Phone while runners-ups, whose bits are just mildly pitiable, get i-Pads.
Organizer Morton Fabricius of Denmark told the AFP news agency that he was celebrating smallness to go against the current philosophy where “everything has to be bigger and bigger and bigger these days”.
I was forwarded the report by a reader named Esteban and found myself writing back immediately to insist I was not eligible, not that I was being insecure or defensive or anything.
But I suspect other guys reading this (like my boss) will be tempted, and are thinking: Hmm. How much do I really want a new i-Phone?
THE PHONE RINGS. You work at the customer service department of Bouygues Telecom.
The caller says that her phone bill is too high.
You politely tell her that she has to pay it.
She says a mistake has been made.
You say the computer cannot be wrong.
She says the bill is for 11 thousand trillion euros.
You tell her it can’t be changed.
She tells you that NO ONE IN THE WORLD can pay that much money.
You tell her she can pay in installments.
A French news source named Sud Ouest reported that a woman, Solenne San Jose of Bordeaux, took more than 45 minutes to convince staff her bill was wrong, despite the sum being literally ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD.
If I ever run a big corporation, these are the customer service officers I want manning the phones.
ZHENG ZHENYONG is a bit dense. He has applied to be listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the owner of the world’s thickest skull. “I train by headbutting concrete pillars,” the man from Shenzhen, China, told Econews, a Chinese website.
I would hate to live in a Chinese apartment block with this guy running around whacking the foundations with his head.
OKAY, after this column I am not going to eat octopus again for a while. (Had it for lunch—a dead cooked one—yesterday.)
Would you eat anything alive?