Looking for seats in beesiness class
A SWARM OF BEES declared war on an airport. They buzzzzzed into the cargo hold of a passenger flight in Kolkata, India, and had to be chased out, I hear from a reader in that country.
Less than an hour later, they were back, this time nesting on the cockpit window. The pilot slammed his foot on the accelerator (or whatever the pilot equivalent is) to shake them off.
I wonder what he told passengers?
“This is your captain speaking: I’ve put the seatbelt sign on as I’m going to try something I’ve never done before.”
The third attack was the most worrying—the bees swarmed up the steps to the front passenger entry door, presumably heading for Beesiness Class (sorry, couldn’t resist).
Air crew slammed it shut and asked all passengers to board speedily through the rear doors, the Times of India reported.
It seems obvious to me that this group of bees desperately wants a long haul flight.
Surely airport officials could just issue them some sort of group e-ticket and let them go?
When something similar happened in the US a few years ago, environmentalists pointed out that honeybees were protected by law. As a result, airport staff had to gently try to persuade the bees to leave the aircraft with soft brushes and soothing words.
(“I’m afraid I must ask you to vacate that seat, Mr Bee, as you don’t have the correct travel documents.”)
**
A RECENT headline on the Fox News website caught my eye: “Industrial Scale Drug Lab Discovered”.
Look, I REALLY think we should stop discussing Lance Armstrong’s breakfast choices now.
***
KEEP AWAY. I have a planet-sized deadly weapon with me. This is technically true.
“A man who slammed another into the ground was recently found guilty of ‘assault with a deadly weapon’,” I heard from Selly Taw, a reader studying law.
“The effect is that the ground in the US is now legally defined as a lethal weapon.”
This is a bad precedent. Public security bureaus in Asia could use this to lock any of us up. “We found the accused in possession of a deadly weapon. He had secreted it under his feet.”
***
DID YOU read about those United Arab Emirates guys arrested at Delhi airport with lorises (rare mammals) hidden in their underpants?
I hate to think how airport officials will revise the airport security questions.
a) “Can you confirm that all items of mammalian organic matter in your underpants are integral parts of your body?”
b) “Could anyone have inserted mammals into your underpants without your knowledge?”
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A MAN IS suing a theme park because employees scared his daughter, it was reported last week by WBBM Chicago radio. The father and his child were visiting an event called Halloween Fright Fest at the time. Something tells me this guy doesn’t really “get” the whole Halloween thing.
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A MAN WAS arrested in Thailand last week when the authorities discovered that he was keeping six tigers as pets. I bet that guy had ZERO disputes with his neighbors.
TIGER OWNER: “Is my 200 decibel stereo too loud?”
NEIGHBOR: “No, no, just fine, ha ha ha.”
***
FROM GRANDPA: “I went to the website of your tenants’ office
apartments: 100 square meters big? For a whole family? And I find that my apartment is too small for me , with its 85 square meters.”
He sent a video of a guy who has chopped his tiny Hong Kong apartment into small pieces with movable walls:
I am paging our computer science professor academic Chamin.
There is progress in how to write academic papers. I post it here because the comments is closed in this most appropriate column:
http://www.mrjam.org/2011/12/how-to-write-academic-papers.html
You can take a look at this site where computer science research is explained in 140 letters.
I think this is trend for the future. Laws will be 140 letters or less. Supreme court decisions, PhD thesis also. Contracts, book reviews, news articles, magazine copy, etc. Everything written will be 140 characters or less.
Well, I guess will be able to write this column much faster then!
