PLUS 10 clear advantages of being male
LOOK! AN EVIL MALE attacking a poor defenseless woman! A pair of have-a-go heroes stopped their car and leapt out onto the verge. They grabbed the guy to let the woman escape.
Which is when they started listening to what he was saying and realized that HE was the innocent victim and SHE was the mugger who had robbed him.
This story, which took place in the US state of New Jersey recently, was sent in by a reader to make his point that being male was worse than being female these days.
And it arrived as part of a flurry of missives triggered by an assertion in this diary recently that being a modern guy sucked.
Lift Lurker said men were told to “take it like a man” if they got weepy at women’s movies, but he had never heard a women being told to “take it like a woman” at a man’s movie. Good point.
“Grandpa” Christian Fardel said teenage girls were often adorable, but you rarely hear that said about teenage boys. (See pic, left, for evidence.)
***
But as emails and comments poured in, the balance soon swung the other way.
A female reader named Onita asked: “Can you men push something the size of a watermelon out of a space in your body meant for a grape?”
She may have been talking about having babies, or it may be a reference to some sort of fruit therapy.
What goes on inside women’s spas remain a total mystery to me.
A reader named Connie wrote: “Not only can men write their names in the snow, but their personalities are so simple that doing such things gives them enormous pleasure.”
I eventually compiled the notes into a list of:
10 clear advantages of being male
10.) Two pairs of cheap ugly shoes are all you need, your whole life.
9.) Need to pee? You can unzip whenever you feel like because the whole world is your toilet.
8.) You can say stupid unfeeling things because “he’s a guy, what do you expect?”
7.) Evil food companies, all run by men, put everything in jars that only males can open.
6.) A barber costs a tenth of the price of a hairdresser and does his job in eight minutes.
5.) If you get to the age of 30 without being married, no one commiserates.
4.) Your name stays the same, however many people you marry.
3.) You can buy enough underwear for two years in two minutes from one stall for small change.
2.) If your suitcase gets lost, it doesn’t matter because you wear the same thing every day anyway.
1.) Your entire morning routine takes two minutes, or three if you include a shower.
***
This was a pretty powerful list, so I hoped the guys would have something to match.
But scanning all the comments and emails, I found ONLY FIVE items for a list of:
5 clear advantages of being female
5.) You can win a job interview using only your cleavage.
4.) You can make infants stop crying by magic.
3.) You can change how you look every day.
2.) You have a lie detector built into your inner ear.
1.) You can get 1,000 hits on YouTube by eating a popsicle.
***
Not bad, guys, but let’s face it—the women win this argument, by dint of the simple fact that 6) women ultimately win all arguments.
***
