The universe is having a laugh with us
Aiyeeah! Everywhere I look this week I see elephants.
No, I’m not at fast food counter in Mississippi.
It just seems to be Elephant Month in this quadrant of the universe.
Consider this: A friend texted me about a delivery of “frozen mammoth” at a shopping mall near where I live.
Like any self-respecting Asian gourmand, I stocked up on chilli sauce and headed to the mall’s frozen food counter.
But the frozen mammoth (above) wasn’t for eating. It was a cute junior mammoth to coo over.
Yet it wasn’t as eye-catching as the freshly dug up mammoth featured on the BBC (below) the following morning, covered in what scientists called “strawberry blonde” hair.
This beast was found in Siberia, no doubt close to a primitive container of Clairol Nice ‘n’ Easy Highlights.
But most amazing of all was a science report forwarded to me by a reader the following day.
It showed a clear image of the profile of an elephant (above) photographed on the surface of the planet Mars. A scientist was quoted dismissing it as a “chance configuration” of lava.
The reader who forwarded it to me disagreed, insisting the visual of an elephant was “A Message” targeted directly at her.
In other words, the universe arranged for millions of years of plate tectonics to take place on Mars solely to tell my friend that she was getting FAT.
Far-fetched maybe, but I still prefer her version to the dull literalism of the scientist.
But I had to tell her: “The universe didn’t have to do that. I could have done that.”
***
***
AMAZINGLY, THE top new TV show in the West this season (and soon to be transferred to Asia) is Off Their Rockers, a reality show in which horrible old people play mean-spirited tricks on hapless innocent citizens. Wait. We already have this in most places. It’s called “government”.
***
DID YOU see those pictures of US people in long queues buying tickets for a lottery offering a US$650 million prize?
Since this is an annual lottery, I wondered why this didn’t happen last year. An American friend told me it was because last year the lottery prize was only US$380 million. Oh, I get it. Not worth getting out of bed for that!
***
LAST WEEK iTunes banned “Girls Around Me,” a stalker app written by a creepy Russian businessman. Can someone please design an app that detects creepy Russian businessmen? Now THAT I could use.
***
BURGER KING proudly announced it is testing a product which combines super-fat strips of bacon with dollops of soft ice cream sundae. Now you don’t even need to eat, you can just slurp yourself to a death through a fat straw. Clearly they are not getting the message from Mars.
***
SCIENTISTS FOUND “niceness” generators in our brains last week. Oxytocin and vasopressin hormones plus genetic receptors turn us into sociable, caring human beings, Psychological Science journal reported. They haven’t found “nasty piece of work” generators yet, but I understand exploratory research will take place in Rupert Murdoch’s cranium.
***
HAPPY MONDAY! Cheer up, it’s nearly the weekend, only five more days to go!
(Illustration at top from here: )
