HAD TO LAUGH at the recent TV speeches made by singer Adele, who won EVERY prize at the Grammys and Brits awards ceremonies this year, including “best group”, “best bearded folk singer” and “the Republican presidential nomination”.
Adele’s songs are great, but what really amused me was the fact that the world’s most celebrated singer is pleasantly chunky, has a raspy speaking voice, and a total inability to say any word beginning with “th”.
She kept saying: “Fangkyu.” (At least I think that’s what she said to one host who cut her off mid-speech.)
Looking ahead, I’d like to propose that a Noble Peace Prize be given to William Shatner if and only if he agrees to release no more albums for at least two years.
There’s only so much pain humanity can endure.
Inspired by Adele, today’s column will highlight recent news items featuring women in action.
1) A woman in China filling in an on-line order form for the KFC delivery service noticed a space provided for “other requests”. She asked for “good-looking hunk” as a delivery man.
Amused KFC staff sent their most gorgeous staffer. The woman, Woshikaogong, blogged about the incident on Sina Weibo (China’s copy of Twitter), and other customers added requests about delivery men. The man must be “cute, sunny but shy” said one.
“He must have big eyes” said another.
A third wrote: “I want a gay guy.”
That one got no takers. There are no gay people in China. The government says so, so it must be true.
2) A woman is to receive an award for putting her need for a toilet in front of her need for a husband.
Anita Bai last week married her dream man and then was taken to their new home.
Finding a total lack of bathrooms in the premises, she fled.
Her in-laws thought she was being fussy, since most people use the bushes as toilets where they lived, in the rural parts of Madhya Pradesh, India.
But the runaway bride became a hero. Sanitation campaigners nominated her for a large cash award for getting her “life priorities” in the right order: toilet first, husband second.
Huh? Clearly these campaigners are not married. Since when are husbands second priority in women’s lives? I don’t think we even make the top five.
3) A woman last week told police that she robbed a bank by accident. Continuing our series of interesting uses of the word “accident”, Navey Skinner, 34, told detectives investigating a raid at Chase Bank in Arlington, Washington: “I accidentally robbed a bank.”
This involved accidentally writing a threatening note, accidentally using it to get money from a teller, and accidentally escaping from police with the cash.
Yes, recent news suggests women are doing all the interesting stuff these days. But I did get one press release indicating a masculine incursion into a feminine area, so to speak.
From April onwards, perfume counters around the world will sell a new scent: bottled eau de New York Yankees. And it’s for women. Have you ever been to the men’s locker room at Yankee Stadium, or anywhere else? Just roll around in a pig sty, it’ll be cheaper and you’ll smell better.
AND HERE’S the link to Grandpa Fardel’s wonderful book, shown in the video above: PAPA TELL ME