JUSTICE FOR CHILDREN in China and India! Almost 300 Indian girls named “Unwanted” by their parents were legally given pretty new names in a ceremony last week. The girls chose names such as Aishwarya, after the cute Bollywood star.
(Young Indian girl)
There are calls for similar moves in China, where hundreds of thousands of girls have names such as “Pending”, which is short for (this is not a joke) Pending The Boy Child We Actually Want.
I’m thrilled that Asian lawmakers are working to rename these girls, but I hope they’ll ALSO use their legislative powers to punish the parents by forcibly renaming them Mr and Mrs Idiot-Heartless-Monster-Kick-My-Butt-Really-Hard.
The fact that this needs to be done is proof that we MUST introduce an exam before allowing people to have children.
Here’s a draft version, we could call:
The “Are You Ready To Be A Parent?” Quiz:
1) How old are you?
(a) Over 18.
(b) Over 70.
(c) Under 11.
2) What’s your attention span?
(a) Eighteen years.
(b) Four to five minutes.
(c) Sorry, I already stopped doing this quiz.
3) What gender are you?
(c) Not sure, how do you tell?
4) “I think of children as…”
(b) Like adults but smaller.
(c) Fashion accessories.
5) How much do you like babies?
(a) I adore them.
(b) I’m fine with them, as long as they don’t change my lifestyle in any way.
6) Will you give your child a stupid name that traumatizes her or him?
(c) I am a celebrity, so of course.
7) “If my child is a girl, I will….”
(b) Throw it away and start again.
8) “I think a suitable name for a girl is….”
(a) Mary, Mei, Madhui, etc.
9) “I have prepared for parenthood by….”
(a) Take a parenting course.
(b) Watching a Michael Jackson video.
(c) Reading “Lolita”.
10) Has drinking or drug-taking impaired your ability to answer questions in a straightforward, logical way?
(b) Footprints in the butter.
MUAMMAR GADAFFI’S driver said the despot spent his final days “living on rice and noodles” and “making delusional statements about how the world would one day recognize his greatness”. Hang on. Isn’t this how ALL adult males spend their days?
A BANK IN Washington was last week robbed by two masked men wearing George W. Bush’s face, US news wires reported. Have news wire staff looked at their pension funds recently? We’ve ALL been robbed by a guy wearing George W. Bush’s face.
SCIENTISTS BUILT robots which can play ping pong, a news agency in China announced last week. Why? They’re supposed to be creating robots that WORK on humans’ behalf, not have FUN on our behalf. What next? A machine that makes our wives happy? Oh wait, they have that, it’s called the ATM.
THANKS FOR the comments on the previous post, about the human hair trade. I was fascinated by them – some great slogans. And it was good to hear from Ram that he actually supported that temple in his younger days. I can see from his picture that the gods rewarded him with thick strong hair today.
As for the pic of me with hair, yes I confess. I was the fifth Beatle.
GOING BACK to that despot, the press reported that Muammar Gadaffi’s body was taken to a shopping mall and stored in a freezer before he was buried. I can imagine his wife’s aggrieved reaction: “He never came to the mall with ME.”
Mr Jam over and out. Your turn. Would YOU make a good parent?