HE WAS PART cowboy, part Indian, and part newspaper columnist. Will Rogers’ one-liners hold lots of lessons for us today, says reader Mya Kirwan, who sent her favorite Rogers’ quotes to me.
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
3. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
4. Always drink upstream from the herd.
5. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
7. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
8. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
9. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin' it back.
10. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
11. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
12. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
13. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
14. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
15. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
ON AN UNRELATED SUBJECT…. A recent posting on this page, the one about English being a silly language, became a fun item on Morning Brew, a radio show. Many thanks to commentators Lift Lurker and Bernard Luk, who provided the humor.