CHINA HAS DROPPED a ban stopping bald people entering. For years, smooth-headed folk have been prevented from getting entry visas to the mainland via the Taiwan-Xiamen route. But from now on, baldies get the same one-year multiple entry visas as hairy guys. Yay!
Why were dome-heads excluded? Mainland authorities said they believed it easier for bald people to disguise themselves. Huh?
I heard about this from Gilbert Wan. “I can’t work it out,” he said. “Most wigs are so bad that bald people find it impossible to disguise themselves.”
I agree. Wigs in Asia fool no one. A guy I pass on the way to work wears them. From studying him, I can confirm that there are only three possible “looks” for bald people.
2) Bald with what looks like a small black cat nesting on your head.
3) Bald with a small black cat sliding off your head onto one ear.
My postbag has been filled with strange tales lately, so I shall devote today’s posting to letters from readers.
Themiya Hurulle wrote to tell me he had advertized for a driver.
Along came a guy who had spent years transporting coffins in hearses during funerals.
“But I CAN drive fast, too,” he added with a smile.
Liking the guy’s sense of humor, Themiya gave him the job—and vast amounts of advice from the back seat, as is his habit.
The driver soon resigned. “Too much noise,” he explained. “I’m used to SILENCE from the back of the vehicle.”
A reader named Bill wrote about home surgery: “The biggest problem I see with self-surgery is that when it all goes horribly wrong, who do you sue? I suppose you could sue yourself, but that would cost TWO sets of legal fees as you would undoubtedly also want to defend yourself.”
Thomas Seifert pointed out that an eye surgery ad mentioned in this column featured a bespectacled doctor.
“Why would you buy an eye surgery kit from a guy with glasses?” he asked.
He added that he himself was close to a medical breakthrough. “I’m working on a 'Day After' contraceptive pill for men. Not sure how to go about it though. I might have to look into time travel.”
Later that day, he wrote again with some exciting news.
“I made a promise to myself that if was ever to invent time travel, I would return to this date and meet myself. I have just arrived from 2033 and have realized that there is a flaw in my calculations. One object, that is, me, cannot exist as two entities at the same time, meaning that the Thomas who wrote earlier today, has swapped places with me and now resides in 2033. He will probably be a bit confused, so I suggest that in 2033 you meet up with him and explain the situation.”
A reader named Eric wrote with a question: “How do I set a laser printer to stun?” It’s easier than you think, Eric. Unplug it, pick it up with both hands, and throw it at the person you need to stun. It works like magic.
Letter of the week comes from Peter Wong: “Many people say I am schizophrenic, but I’m convinced that I’m not, and so am I.”
It was signed: “Peter Wongs”.
This photo (below) was sent to my by Guy Chambers – a frequent traveller to mainland China based in Hong Kong. It shows a pair of happy kids he met in Inner Mongolia. Nice smiles, pity about the t-shirt.
I stumbled on this picture of Vernette, one of our frequent commentators, on the Internet. She has a nice blog, too, worth a visit, just here.