The world's spottiest bottom has been located. A reader claims to have found it.
It was in his underpants. But you know what? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Keep it away from me. Many readers wrote to agree with this columnist about the pointlessness of the world records being set today. The titles people achieve (such as "ultimate couch potato") confirm one's worst fears about the human race, which is that it is God's One and Only Big Mistake.
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But a few readers defended the practice of setting unorthodox records, presenting cogent, well-constructed arguments such as: "You're a silly poo-poo head." That was anonymous, but judging from the vocabulary, came from a senior merchant banker.
The most heartfelt response came from Louise van Rooij, who organized the recent event in which seemingly every bra in her home town was linked together to make the world's longest line of female upper-body undergarments. In my earlier column, I queried the practical value of this.
"I think your comment about this record is STUPID," Louise said.
She may well be right. After all, American philosopher Dave Barry said, "Females evolved breasts to make men stupid." Thus the mere thought of bras may have caused my brain to malfunction.
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Rika Nauck pointed out that you have to do odd things to get attention. "The records have to become more and more silly because it's hard to find something new that is not silly," she said. This argument makes a lot of sense, and neatly reinforces the popular Let's Blame the Media principle.
One male reader was extremely keen on Louise's event. "I would love to copy her and organize a huge event where every female in Asia removed her bra and they were all joined to make a big chain, but it would be suicide to even suggest it," said a reader who did not wish to be named. "I wouldn't even suggest it to my wife."
I agree. In many places in Asia, women have to wear multiple layers of covering by law, even if it is hot enough to melt lampposts. If women remove a single layer of clothing, even an invisible one such as a bra, they can be charged with the very serious offence of Causing Men to Commit Crimes. (Under traditional Asian male logic, women are 100 per cent to blame for all incidents of molestation.)
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On a sunnier note, readers supported the suggestion that we hold a planet-wide contest for the title of "Stupidest individual to become a national leader."
A gentleman calling himself Mr Kim, who gave his return address as North Korea, posted a comment saying he felt he deserved the title. "Now that Mr Bush is retired, I am wondering if I have a chance to win this title. Please send me the entry form," he wrote.
However, objections were received from a poster who signed himself Bush. "Just because ah have retired does not mean that ah lose my claim on that record," he wrote. "Ah fought hard to win that title and no one is gonna to take it away from me. I am very proud of what I achieved despite the size of my brian." [sic]
It's hard to argue with that.
