The Philippines is a wealthy country--when it comes to wit
THERE’S A SIGN on Congressional Avenue in Manila saying “Parking for Costumers Only.” This may be a mis-spelling of customer. But the Philippines is so full of colourfully dressed, theatrical people, that I prefer to think that it may actually mean what it says.
This week, we’ll take a reading tour of one of the liveliest communities in Asia, courtesy of readers there.
* * *
Often, signposts in the Philippines conjure up intriguing visions. Consider the shoe store in Pangasinan which bears the slogan: “We Sell Imported Robber Shoes.” One assumes these must be the sneakiest sort of sneakers.
* * *
In other cases, seemingly baffling signs can be deciphered simply by re-reading the words taking the Filipino accent into account. A restaurant in Cebu has a sign saying: “We Hab Sop-Drink In Can An In Batol.”
* * *
Sometimes one finds the local accent, in which F and P are interchangeable, is used very cleverly, such as at the flower shop in Diliman which is called “Petal Attraction.”
* * *
On other occasions, signposts are purely entertaining. Antonio Ramon T. Onsiako (known to his friends as Tonyboy) sent me the following signs:
Seen in a restaurant in Baguio: “Wanted: Boy Waitress.”
Seen on a highway in Pampanga: “We Make Modern Antique Furniture.”
Seen on the glass wall of an eatery in Panay Avenue near National Bookstore in Manila: “Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier.”
Seen outside a house in Jaro, Iloilo: “House For Rent, Fully Furnaced.” Tonyboy commented: “Boy, it must be hot in there.”
Seen on the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan: “We Shoot You While You Wait.”
Seen in front of a gym in Lucena City: “We Almost Have Complete Set of Gym Equipments.”
* * *
Reader Robert Harland points out that much of the word-play in the Philippines is deliberate, with retailers favouring witty names, often based on Western celebrities. Shop around and you’ll find:
A bakery named “Bread Pitt;”
A Makati fast-food place selling a type of banana fritter known as maruya called “Maruya Carey;”
A water engineering firm called “Christopher Plumbing;”
A boutique called: “The Way We Wear;”
A video rental shop called: “Leon King Video Rental;”
A restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called: “Caintacky Fried Chicken;”
A local burger restaurant called “Mang Donald's;”
A doughnut shop called: “MacDonuts;”
A shop selling lumpia, or meat parcels, in Quad, Makati, called: “Wrap and Roll;”
A butcher named: “Meating Place;”
Another butcher, called: “Meatropolis;”
And a men’s garment shop in the Pier part of Manila called: “Pier Carding;”
* * *
Tourists from Europe may be intrigued to discover shops called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia. Both sell Chinese food: a type of pastry called Hopia. The names are explained thus: Holland Hopia is run by a man named Ho and Poland Hopia is run by a man named Po.
* * *
Sometimes the signs are quite poignant. Reader Gunilla Edlund saw one at a ferry pier outside Davao, Southern Philippines, which said: Adults: 1 USD; Child: 50 cents; Cadavers: subject to negotiation.
* * *
But most are purely witty. Reader Elgar Esteban found the following:
A bread shop called: “Anita Bakery;”
A 24-hour restaurant called: “Doris Day and Night;”
A garment shop called: “Elizabeth Tailoring;”
And a hairdresser called: “Felix The Cut.”
* * *
Tonyboy Onsiako explained why there was so much wit in the Philippines. “We come from a country where you require a sense of humor to survive,” he said. “We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.”
